A Most Unreliable Narrator Issue #145 it was justified

he shot first

Apr 02, 2023

Dear Internet,

It’s been a week, let me tell you.

I’m feeling pretty vulnerable and I’m still processing what has transpired. At some point I’ll tell the story but for now you just need to know that reports were made to the FBI and FTC. (I’m fine; really I am.)

I brain dumped on my therapist about what’s happening at our session yesterday and it was doozy of a session.

We also talked about how I was doing physically (see update below) and my future sessions.

He’s changed into a new job and his hours are changing. I offered to give up some of my time for his clients that were at risk. He said I was fine and he appreciated it but my mental health was just as important. I’ve said this a zillion times but I’m in a good spot right now. I went weekly after the surgery to cope with the changes in my life and my body. We dropped it down to every other week and starting in May, it’ll be once a month.

He has always stressed that if I need him, he’s but a text away.

I believe him.

Fat girl surgery update

During my lunch break on Friday, I tried on all the clothes I bought for our trip to Mexico next week. I bought two sizes in most things, and I bought a wide range of items. I’ve been living in leggings and t-shirts for months so I was eager to try on clothes that didn’t fit that criteria.

The dresses and pants in 2x fit perfectly and some of the items were a bit big. The shorts were bought in size 22 and 20s, and the 20s fit great. The bathing suits were hit and miss. Some 3x tops were too big and the 2x bottoms were too short in the waist. I have a big box of stuff to send back.

My boob-waist-hip ratio is pretty curvy so it’s easier for me to buy, and wear, two pieces rather than slink into a one piece. Also being 5’10”, one pieces end up being too short in the crotch and the length is not enough.

I decided many pounds ago to wear a two piece, but I was nervous to step out of my house and into the public. My body has not been allowed to exist because of my size. How dare does a woman who wears a size 24/26 show her body in public? How dare she!

The first time I wore a two piece I was living by myself in an apartment complex with a pool. I hemmed and hawed for a solid hour, staring at myself in the mirror, before I grabbed a towel and away I went.

I felt empowered lying about the pool side. Received compliments from strangers. Why wasn’t I doing this before?

Now I’m smaller but I’m still bigger than average people so Mexico is going to be a test of my empowerment. All my suits are two pieces. I can do this.

When I saw Bad Kitty last weekend, I was shocked how tiny she was. She’s lost 110 pounds over the course of the year, half via careful eating and the other half with surgery. She looks good and boy, there was hardly anything to hold on to when I hugged her. (JK.)

I was worried about my own feelings seeing her. Yes, she had the surgery five or six months before I did, and she’s in a size I haven’t seen since high school (and a size she says she’s never seen). I was concerned that I would have jealousy about her loss yet, I felt neutral about it. I am super proud of the work she’s done (she’s now getting swole) and I’d rather support her on her journey then seethe on what I’m perceiving the lack of progress on my own.

I’ve lost nearly 35lbs since December 27 and I’ve lost a total of 25.5”. This is nothing to sneeze at. I’ll get there, I know I will. My body is just different than hers and I can accept that.

Other updates

We’re going on vacation to Mexico in the middle of April and the vacation time overlaps a Sunday. I’m mulling what to do: Write early? Write at the hotel? Skip it? I do know the Sunday after that will be about the trip loaded with pictures.

Also wanted to give apologies for the tech changes to the newsletter I wrote about earlier in the week. Unfortunately, if you click the “Share” button, it takes you to the landing page for the newsletter and not that issue. Since the newsletter is in private mode, the person is going to have to subscribe first and then view the archive; they can always unsubscribe later. I’ve noted this on the landing page.

You can continue to comment on the issues.

I’m not a fan of keeping the newsletter private as in the last 25 years, all my writings have been public. This was discussions of taking down my archive but it’s all cached on archive.org so it’s pointless.

Currently, going private is what I must do. I hope to have it public again but I’m not sure when.

It should be noted my other newsletters are public if you like to take a gander to them. (See the writing section below.)