A Most Unreliable Narrator Issue #154 mini meltdown
Today is going to be short.
Dear Internet,
Thursday I had a mini meltdown.
It’s Sunday and I’m still struggling with the aftermath.
What does a mini meltdown look like these days?
This time around, my brain starts to whirl like a record spinning on high; I cannot think or function; I feel super frustrated by everything, and then I start to cry.
The simplest of functions seem to be too much. The only thing I can do is breathe (and cry).
On Thursday I took ½ Buspar to calm down, which did help, and took a ½ day off on Friday. I literally could not function at work on Friday.
I did not shower on Friday, I could not shower. The idea of washing myself, even in a quick spurt, felt intimidating. Instead, I washed my face and brushed my teeth. After leaving work, I did nothing. I sat on the couch and zoned out.
Saturday was a bit better. We had errands in town which cumulated in getting Chinese food. Even with the positive things happening, my temper was short and it took everything to drive and not yell at Mr Lisa (or flip off cars who weren’t doing what I thought they should be doing). When we came home, we discovered they didn’t include ½ of Mr. Lisa’s meal. Distance from the cabin to the restaurant is a solid 30 minutes so going back was not in the game plan. (Our meal was take-out and when I went to pick it up, they refunded me for the cost of the meal without telling me it was the refund. They said the machine over charged us. Sure.)
Later that afternoon I had plans to go back into the city for a writer’s group. I hemmed and hawed and waited until the last minute before leaving. Once I got into the city, I was already ½ hour late so I thought of going to a coffee shop to write instead but the shop was closed. I made my way to the writing group bringing many apologies with me.
I was feeling a lot better the longer I sat in the group. The people were nice and it seems they would be helpful. The group is the local chapter of NaNoWriMo and the meeting was more talking about what they were writing and running ideas off each other rather than a write-in. I went to a coffee shop (the NaNoWriMo group met at a community center) where I wrote for a few hours and then came home.
Tuesday after work I’m heading back into town to write for a few hours after work.
It is now Sunday and I’m feeling a bit worn down but a lot better since Saturday. I slept in, took a shower, had breakfast (chorizo and egg burrito made by Mr Lisa), started laundry, and wrote. I meet with Kristin at 3 p.m. for our Sunday PBS date and then later with Erika for our 90 Day Fiance date.
Things are getting better.
I wish I could plan for my melt downs so I can have better control and prepare myself but that’s not an option.
If you know someone like me, your best bet is to offer your support than anything else. Without Mr Lisa, I’d be even in a worse mess. I’m grateful for him.
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Tomorrow (Monday, June 12), I turn 51. I never thought I’d get to see 40 let alone 51. As I have three trips planned this year (Mexico, Keys, Europe), and I have everything I need and I can buy what I want, we’re not really making a big to do. We’re having dinner at a local fancy Italian place and Brendan is sending me a chocolate cheesecake which should arrive later in the week. It may take me months to finish it but I’m sure Mr Lisa will be more than happy to help.
P.S. Tuesday I start swimming lessons. I know how to swim but my technique isn’t strong and I want to swim laps at the Y. I’m pretty excited by this.
Have a good week!
lisa x