In the Year of our Lord of Covid: Issue #1 Goats in the middle of the road. One has a bucket on its head.

Today marks our 138th day in lockdown.

The current dumpster fire of 2020 continues to accelerate and my daily news intake is no longer of one of surprise. "Oh, 18 anesthesiologists were recently at a party and contracted COVID? If only they had known!" "Students at a dorm at MSU are positive for COVID? Who'd have guessed!" "Hundreds of people gather on a small beach while not practicing social distancing or wearing masks? What could possibly happen?"

The only thing that has surprised me this week is I was able to score tickets for Doves' show in Cardiff, Wales in March 2021. TEH thought this was not a bright idea and a large number American fans in the fan forum gave their pre-sale codes away to UK/EU fans. Not me! No fucking idea what is going to happen tomorrow in the world so why not blow the $60 USD for a ticket to POSSIBLY see one of my fav bands overseas? The hilarious part about this endeavour this morning was I was not able to use Kayak, Delta, or AA to find flights to Cardiff to get an idea of cost because NO ONE WILL TAKE US THANKS TO FUCKING 45!

But I digress.

The logical, rational, and reasonable thing to do would be to stop reading the news. Delete social media apps off my devices. Turn off notifications from my news sources. Spend more time crafting, reading, writing, and playing video games. Maybe even exercise!

Oh, my sweet summer child.

I've tried all these things but something somehow always pulls me back in. Even in entertainment news, COVID is positioned whether a tour is canceled or production on a movie/TV show is postponed which leads one down a rabbit hole. Or some idiot LIKE MADONNA hands out false information and that is everywhere. There are a few things in my daily activities that do not refer, allude, imply, or mention the 2020 dumpster fire: Animal Crossing, my Scottish Gaelic class via Duolingo, telly/movies made pre-2020, and meditation.

This morning I had my heart stress test which was nothing like what I anticipated. Registration told me to wear clothes for light exercise and plan on 4+ hours so I took the whole day off and wore NoGa shorts, tshirt, sports bra, and trainers. (Or pretty much, my everyday wear.) From walking into registration to leaving, I was done in under two hours. 

It started when they injected "light radiation" via an IV stab, I drank a lot of water, and marinated for 45 minutes. Thank god I brought my Switch! (Playing AC, of course. Had to check turnip prices.) After, I went to imaging where I laid for 15 minutes with my arms above my head while pictures were taken of my heart. When that was done, I was hooked up to an EKG machine and stuck on a treadmill where the speed and incline were raised every three minutes. The goal was to get my heart rate up to 146 in about 15 minutes and I got that done in nine. My body felt fine but my chest hurt and I was breathing heavy. Thank fuck they got everything they needed because there was no way I was getting on that demon semen of a machine again.

(I also learned that you can opt out of the treadmill exercise and they can stress the heart chemically but it is just not as effective or reliable. I also wanted to prove I wasn't just a fat fuck who couldn't walk on a treadmill.)

(Techs told me to take it easy for the next few days and I told them darn, I was to cancel my marathon training. I was doing so well walking the treadmill for nine whole minutes!)

I was sent back to imaging where I laid for another 15 minutes getting pictures taken of my heart again but this time, the screen was pointed towards me to make it easier for the tech to monitor and I tried to read what the images meant. I could see very vague outlines of various parts of my heart and I tried to guess which part of the heart was what, drawing on education from over 30 years ago. I had to keep reminding myself I wasn't a cardiologist or a radiologist but my curiosity is rising and I hope the very bright white spot on the imaging doesn't mean it is a clog. My cardiologist says I'm too young for heart disease even with family history but I'm hoping whatever it is that's causing me anguish (and it's not anxiety) can be fixed.

I went to Trader Joe's after my test (masked up and practicing social distancing y'all) and it felt decadent and illicit. The last time I was at TJ's was before Xmas when I tried to buy Peppermint Joe-Joes to find they were already sold out. TJ's was on it with handling customers while the vids floats around and I felt okay wandering around the store. I came with a purpose and forgot once I entered where I was overcome with  bright colors and presumed smiling faces. I grabbed a few items, ESPECIALLY their chocolate covered marshmallows, and beat feet out. 

I told my boss if I was back early enough and I was up for it, I'd come back to work. But I decided fuck it, need to burn some vacation time, so I napped, played some AC, took a shower, and went to telemedicine therapy.

TILT: There is a fairly large (40%) population of Indians in Guyana. These are descendants of merchants, tradesman, farmers, and contract workers, who came over between the 19th and 20th centuries to escape political upheaval and famine. Where did I learn this from? Indian Matchmaking! 

Also don't forget: Thursday July 30th at 7:50AM EST, NASA is sending Perseverance to Mars. You can virtually join the launch.

Don't be an ass. Wear a damned mask.


 

You've just finished reading A Most Unreliable Narrator,  the spill-your-guts newsletter by Lisa Rabey. You can find me on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook if you're so inclined. If you dig this, pass me on to a friend! Comments? Questions? Want to say "Hi!"? Just hit reply and send me a note!   

  Image depicting the black death in a book by French chronicler 
and poet, Gilles Li Muisis (1272 - 1352). Artist unknown.