In the Year of our Lord of COVID Issue #16 A Frank Discussion on Being Fat Part 2
Weight: 320.8
Days in lockdown: One year + one day
Mood: Contemplative
Housekeeping
While I track my weight on my phone, I also thought it would be nice to track it in my weekly-ish missives since I know this inspires people to work on their own health. Please no congratulations if you’re inclined until I am at least 2XX. The last time I went under 300 was in October of 2012. I’m gunning to be there by or around my birthday in June.
I mentioned this on FB this morning but I’m most of my blog empire into a single location (https://pookiebear.industries). Any previous domain you were using to get to any of my sites will take you there so no need to update anything. December marks the 25th year I’ve been keeping my diary online (I’m internet old). The content should all be sorted and organized by December-ish.
I’m tired of overly wrought and vapid book bloggers out there whose sole goal is to #bookstagram and praise effusively without giving real depth to the review. NO MORE! I’m starting a book blog with some friends (We’ll Read Anything Once (Twice if We Like it) which will be launching in the next few months. I’m looking for contributors. Any genre is open, the book doesn’t have to be new or soon to be published, you can use swears, and the max word count is 500 words. I also want to give good representation to BIPOC and LGTBQ+ peoples. There is no obligation on how often you want to submit reviews. I’m gunning for 2 reviews a week with a possible more in-depth content on Sundays (way far off). If you’re interested or have questions, hit me up!
Well, that was 400 words of housekeeping!
A Frank Discussion on Being Fat Part 2
Here is part one if you missed it.
This week I want to talk about healthy at every size acceptance people, fat activists, and body pos groups. Some of these groups overlap but they all have one thing in common:
Normalize fatness.
Now, on an intellectual level, I agree with them. Bodies come in all sorts of lovely shapes, sizes, and hues with various levels of hairiness. All bodies should be celebrated. AND there is study after study shown that fat people can be just as healthy as “normal” or “skinny” people. (Best Kate recommends Anti Diet for legit studies and research.)
I get it.
But these people make me so angry I want to throat punch them.
Yes, all bodies should be normalized, and we totes need to get off the carousel that is body image that is destroying our society BUT those, it seems, who advocate for HAE, body pos, etc. ALSO tend to be women (because it is almost always women) who can still shop at stores and buy clothes off the rack. These is a level of entitlement and privilege that goes into advocating for body pos which is it typically is white, middle class+ women who are doing the advocating AND they have the buying power to support their causes.
It’s infuriating.
We all know damn well if I publicly say, “I want to lose weight!”, the HAE and body pos groups jump in with, “But you don’t need to! You are beautiful at any size!” which is great platitudes, but listen, no one is allowed to tell me what size I can and cannot be and dictating that by choosing to drop some pounds makes me a cog in the diet industry. It’s bullshit. No one gets to tell me what to do or how to live. No one. Not even TEH. If TO ME, the idea of being healthy is learning how to eat mindfully and work on my own triggers, and if I lose weight in the progress, hurray! But fuck you and the horse you rode in on for making me feel like a failure because I want to change my health.
Because the reality, for me, is if I don’t do something now to get my weight under control, I will not be able to buy clothes off the rack. Even fat girl stores only carry up to a 26 (and those who say they carry up larger are few and far between). I’m a 24 which tends to be the top out of most stores. If I gained 30lbs to put me at 350, I’d be a 26. Easy. With eye on the prize at a size 28. Dropping some poundage means I can continue to shop at stores without feeling embarrassed or horrified I have to shop at the super size fat girl stores, of which a few remain.
And no matter how much we want to normalize fatness and health, the world is simply not made for my tall and voluptuous body. It’s barely made for me being tall let alone for being fat and tall. I always choose the two seater chairs at doctor’s offices and shy away from armed chairs at other places. I love flying but terrified of seating. People who sit next to me have no qualms elbowing me in the side to make “room.” My hips were made for farm work, not dainty mid-century modern knock off chairs. Did you know that there are weight limits to mattresses? I just found out about that recently. You know what the TOTAL combined weight is recommended for a queen mattress? 250 – 300lbs. TEH and I are are double that. I don’t think at anytime in my adult history as my coupling with someone been under 500lbs and the mattresses never sagged.
But yet.
(If you’re so inclined, you can drop some cash on a mattress for the “bigger figure.”Legit or cash grab on the beaten down fat people?)
Here’s the thing: I don’t mind being a fat person. I DO mind I’m out of shape and my fucked up ankle gives me pause to do strenuous exercise, but my out of shape does not equate to my fatness. “Skinny” and “normal” people can be out of shape too and have just as much difficulty in doing something but because their lives are normalized, it’s totally fine to not put them under a microscope.
Fuck the man!
Have a wonderful week!
(P.S. March 13th not only marked a year since I went into lockdown but it is also a year since Breonna Taylor was murdered in her bed. Be an ally, support Black Lives Matter, and #saytheirnames.)
Wonderful Thing
Noom is what we’re using on our health journey or whatever the fuck you want to call it. The primary reason that we went with Noom is because they use psychology and CBT to help you change your thinking rather than telling you what to eat and slapping you a caloric daily limit. Noom’s other advantage, if you will, is they have one-on-one and group coaching. I’m not personally finding great success at the one-on-one coaching as it’s not really personal and the group coaching is a bit horrifying as it is the same people making the same mistakes over and over again that Noom is trying to warn you from doing. The other consideration is that the people in my group don’t have as much to lose as me (I am looking at a total of 115 – 120 lbs) so I have no relationship with them.
A few months ago, my chum Carrie and her wife Krista launched Joyful Fox, a health and life coaching business. Krista has a MPH (Masters in Public Health) while Carrie has various certification. The big draw for me, other than I won a month of free coaching, is they both lost over 80lbs each and they are super supportive of queer peoples. They get the struggle! Carrie also uses CBT and a mindful approach and she’s reinforcing what I’m already getting from Noom’s daily modules which has been helpful. While weight loss and support are my main goals with Carrie, she can do a whole lot more. I also want to stress this is NOT a replacement for my therapy. My therapist is aware of my work with Carrie and as my therapist ALSO uses CBT, I see Carrie as a supplement not a replacement.
Joyful Fox offers a free discovery call if you’re interested. After my sessions are done with Carrie, I’m going to pick it up on a bi-weekly basis to keep the momentum going. Overall, Carrie gives me what Noom promised but didn’t really deliver.
Interesting Things (or things to buy)
Still hawking my Pops on eBay if you are so inclined to shop. (Just added a dozen more!)
A friend reached out that they were into buying the TomboyX bras I mentioned a couple of episodes back and wondered if I had a referrer code. Turns out I do! ($20 off your first order!)
I’m going to be putting up my Coach bags on Poshmark. Watch this space!
Links to Read That are Not Depressing
Local radio station, WFPK, is THE coolest public radio station ever. They are compiling a list of the top 500 albums of the ‘90s to be played at the end of March. Go vote! They stream online and also on their app (search for “Louisville Public Media”) so you can hear the results. Cannot say enough about this station!
As always, don't be an ass. Wear a damned mask.
lisa x
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Image depicting the black death in a book by French chronicler
and poet, Gilles Li Muisis (1272 - 1352). Artist unknown.