In the Year of our Lord of Covid: Issue #2 You Already Know This DIY Recipe
Days in quarantine: 157
I skipped last Sunday, so sue me.
I thought life was more or less okay recently. I was raging, sure, and picking fights with people across the internet, but these are unprecedented times! Wasn't everyone else raging day to day because WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? No? Mostly me? The Best Kate virtually pulled me aside and asked me what was going on. The Best Kate and I have similar temperaments so I knew I was in possible trouble when she was questioning my sanity. I just didn't see it that I was full of rage, not always. The insane amount of misinformation and someone WAS WRONG ON THE INTERNET is fucking insane! If I had a gun, my mouth would be its bullet because I had to correct and amend everywhere I go and left a trail of dead behind me.
This clearly was not a good idea. But, you know, unprecedented times!
Time has shown me that I can often catch myself in a mid-mental crack and reign myself in. I thought I had reigned myself in this time. That would be a big "no" from The Best Kate. She and I have continuous conversations on how to react and act to this new reality. Every morning, we ask each other what topics are on the table and which ones we would not touch with a 10' pole. I felt, and still feel, it's invaluable to at least have a general knowledge of current events but often, even that breath of news was giving me headaches and we'd both have this feeling of resignation of not being able to cope and we'd go back to gossiping or virtually shopping for crap we won't buy.
I'm entering week six of rapid cycling which is now mostly mania with the aforementioned rage, now simmered down, thrown in for funsies. The first public instance I mention the rapid cycling is on July 10. Yay fucking lucky me.
I've started using Google calendar to track my moods and sharing it with TEH so we can keep a handle on what is going on. I'm also adding what drugs are being added/removed for better documentation.
I had my regular psych med APRN appointment this past week and we decided I'm going add a small dosage of Latuda (20mg) to take at night to help even out my moods. He was a bit cross with me because I did not reach out to him sooner but when you've taken care of yourself, more or less, and your mental health for the good part of your adult life, and you can recognize when the crazy is hitting (most of the time), it doesn't seem like an emergency.
These are my barometers:
Am I in crisis?
Am I a threat to myself or others?
Do I plan on self harming?
Do I have suicidal ideation?
If the answer is no to all of these, then it's not an emergency.
My APRN disagrees, of course. If I am suffering, which I was, then I should have called him. But eh. Big, strong woman don't need nobody.
Also, check out the retail price of Latuda. My APRN asked me if I could swing paying fat bank every month, if needed, to hit my deductible so the price would go down. I said sure, I could make that happen and thankfully my deductible is really low and has already been hit for the year. With my insurance, OOP cost would have been $100 and I only got it to $15 because Latuda offers their own script savings card to bring it down to $15. WHY THE FUCK JUST NOT CHARGE $15?? (Answer: capitalism, insurance, and greed.)
One thing with mental illness and me is that I can lose time which means I need to take a break, as it were, from the world which presents itself as naps, crafts, exercise, or something. I just have to go my happy place and wait for it to all blow over. Sometimes this really helps and other times, the most I can do is lay in bed listening to podcasts.
I lost yesterday because the mania spiked so bad, after running errands and lunch, I was in bed with my. comforts. I slept for a few hours and woke up physically feeling fine but mentally exhausted. I cannot lose today even though I'm heading down the same lanes.
But we decided that we're self-cleaning the oven today so most chores are put on th hold and now I will spend late afternoon doing them.
I also postulated on this on the tweeters as well.
Let us move on some other topics:
I have now scored tickets for Doves' Cardiff AND second Glasgow shows next spring. I have a very reliable source who is telling me that more tickets for the first Glasgow show will be made available closer to the gig. All my cool internet friends from the band's groupies will be at that show. I know, I know. I cannot even fucking get to Canada let alone Wales or Scotland, but let me have this! My old chum James, who has 15 PhDs and medical doctorates in freaking everything, told me that even if the US AND UK got their shit together NOW, it would still be about May before it would be fairly comfortable to fly across the pond. I told him to fuck off.
We binged watch Peaky Blinders. Cillian Murphy as a ruthless English gangster in 1920s Birmingham? Thank you and welcome. Also, Polly is perfect
We also binged on Hanna. I pretty much want to be Hanna
900 hours clocked into Animal Crossing or 22.5 work weeks since March. No regrets
Mania usually has me spending money on crap but I don't have room for crap but I apparently have room for vinyl because I keep buying it. Oh, I don't have a player. Yet.
Ran a contest a few weeks back on how many t-shirts I had in rotation (not total). Closest would get $25 donated to their favorite charity. Two were close so I donated to BLM and MIchigan Humane Society. Answer: 90 t-shirts in rotation; another 60 hanging out to make 150 t-shirts in my collection.
Heart stress test came back normal and good. Just lose weight blah blah blah
Don't be an ass. Wear a damned mask.
lisa x
You've just finished reading A Most Unreliable Narrator, the spill-your-guts newsletter by Lisa Rabey. You can find me on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook if you're so inclined. If you dig this, pass me on to a friend! Comments? Questions? Want to say "Hi!"? Just hit reply and send me a note!
Image depicting the black death in a book by French chronicler
and poet, Gilles Li Muisis (1272 - 1352). Artist unknown.