In the Year of our Lord of COVID Issue #21 What’s in a Name Part II
Weight: 313.0
Days in lock down: 422
Mood: filled with no bake cookies
To pick up from last week:
Our names are our currency.
They tell the world who we are.
Our names tell our story whether it is a government papers name (as the adorable sparkly stripper queen of a hairdresser told me a few weeks back) or is one that we have chosen.
I’ve gone back and forth on changing my name for years since the case. “Lisa Rabey” conjured up something much different than Zoe Reid (name chosen #1) or Freya Jones (name chosen #2). I have found two other Lisa Rabeys: One in North Carolina who KEEPS USING MY FUCKING EMAIL ADDRESS AND WHOSE HUSBAND IS A TWAT (issues, yes) and another one in western Canada. If you look for a Lisa Rabey online, however, the predominate one who you will find is me.
Any old timer online knows nothing really goes away. If it is not on archive.org, it’s cached somewhere on a forgotten foreign server. I could never really scrub myself offline and I know that, but it did not stop me from wanting to try.
As everything happened going down the pipe, I got so much conflicting advice: tell potential job employers about the case (the library world is quite small), address it if it came up, or just choose to ignore it. I tried all the possible suggestions when interviewing and nothing changed. I was the golden child of my graduate program, one who past professors said if anyone was to make it in the profession, it would be me. But after hundreds and hundreds of job applications over the years, nothing came to pass. Something had to change, and I knew it had to be my name.
May Lisa Rabey rest in peace.
Legally changing my name would be a process.
I would have to get it legally changed and then start on the paperwork for social security card, driver’s license, and go back to my colleges and universities to update my name. Bank accounts, bills, medical records, and other legal documents would have to change.
Then how far do I wipe myself off? Do I disentangle from all social media and friends except the very close ride or die ones and start over or do I just make the simple change of my online bio to reflect the new reality? Do I cut ties with anyone or everyone? If I’m changing my name, is there anything else I would need to change about me, like my personality or lifestyle?
How far do you go?
I thought about this for years as I knew this was not a quick decision where POOF, name change, and the world is alight with the new person. I also had to think about my own job prospects under the different name and vouching for all my work up until that period.
How far do you go?
I’ve hated my name for as long as I could remember. I was named after Lisa Marie Presley, I got tired quickly of the random throwback to Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam, a band of a one-hit wonder from the ‘80s. People would call me “Lee,” which puzzled the fuck out of me. My name is two syllables and four letters! How much shorter can you get!?
Someone once called me “Lye-sa.” That was a new one.
My last name was an embarrassment because of the taunting I got as a kid in primary school.
“Lisa Rabey” didn’t sound sexy or cool or hip and chic. It sounded like a white trash girl who came from the wrong side of the tracks which wasn’t that far off.
Here was, finally, a reasonable reason to ditch my name and start fresh.
But I didn’t take it.
Our names are our brand. They truly are.
When I name “The Best Kate” or “TEH,” who they are is crystalline in my head. It’s like that for me for everyone whose name I remember. “Oh, so and so? Oh yeah, we had drinks at the Kit Kat Club in Barcelona in the early ‘00s.” (I have no idea if the Kit Kat Club exists, but I have been to Barcelona so go with me here.)
I didn’t change my name because Lisa Rabey took that stance. I took a stance. I was proud I took that stance, and I would do it all over again if it meant that someone could go to sleep at night knowing their voice was being heard.
Ditching Lisa Rabey would cause me more pain then keeping it. I was proud of that person who pulled themselves up from their bootstraps, who made a great circle of friends, loved her partner, and has seen the world outside of the small town she grew up in. She was smart, witty, and clever. She meant a lot to many people and while the inner me would be the same, the new name would change that perception. I wanted people to remember me, warts and all, and changing my name would have destroyed that.
So I stay Lisa Rabey.
And this is why I didn’t change my name.
Wonderful Thing
Ted Lasso on AppleTV+. Released in 2020, the story of an American football coach hired to take over a nearly relegated British football team, AFC Richmond, and has zero experience coaching European football so wasn’t quite catching my attention despite the high praise from critics and a stellar score of 91% on Rotten Tomatoes. But flipping through TV last night, decided to give it a try and oh boy, am I glad I did. I wasn’t sure if a story of an overly optimistic football coach as a fish out of water in the UK would be up my alley but turns out it did. There is much to give to this show handling divorce, personal loss, and disappointment against the backdrop of a football club struggling to come to its own, but I promise you, ever minute is worth it. I mainlined all 10 episodes last night. Season 2 is coming July 23 and I cannot wait.
Interesting Things (or things to buy)
I’ve added computer parts and electronics (Chromebook, Google Mini, and so on) to my Pops collection on eBay.
A friend reached out that they were into buying the TomboyX bras I mentioned a couple of issues back and wondered if I had a referrer code. Turns out I do! ($20 off your first order!)
Links to Read That are Not (Terribly) Depressing
Gen Z Is Bringing Emo Back, But This Time It’s Not Just A Bunch Of White Dudes
Big Cat Rescue’s Carole Baskin announces new cryptocurrency and NFTs. Here’s what that means.
An oral history of Tom Holland's sensational 'Lip Sync Battle' performance
Don’t be an ass. Wear a damned mask. Unless you’re fully vaxxed but don’t be stupid.
lisa x
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Image depicting the black death in a book by French chronicler
and poet, Gilles Li Muisis (1272 - 1352). Artist unknown.