A Most Unreliable Narrator Issue #123 Po-tay-toes

I love them any way they are cooked.

Dear Internet,

How does one respond to being told to watch net carbs?

Eat a giant bowl of mashed potatoes. With gravy.

Let me back up:

Things are finally moving in a positive way with fat girl surgery. I’ve had several appointments now with nutritionist and the therapist and everything seems to be on track. While the meetings are scheduled for 30 minutes, they just want to do check-ins. (How’s your eating? What kind of food are having? How much do you weigh?) I was nervous because you want to be seen as doing the right thing but is it for real or something you’ve conjured up to make it seem like its real. Do I lie about what I eat to look good or am I truthful.

I err on the side of truthfulness.

Norton has numerous nutritionists and therapists, and it changes on who I talk to though they have their notes to go on. Last week it was Chris who we talked about the changes made, exercise having, and what I wanted to talk about in the future. Full 30 minutes. Monday it was Morgan, and she just wanted the updates (see above). We were one and done in 10 minutes.

I don’t care if we’re on the phone for 10 minutes or 30 because all I care about is that it is documented for insurance. This is not to say I don’t want their help, but they are the gatekeepers, but I wish they were more forthcoming other than “60g protein and 40g of net carbs.” Bodies are different. Activity levels are different. Dave wrote up a great look at his own journey on a FB group we’re both in for nutrition about how his fat boy surgery nutritionist stuck with the super low calorie (under 1000) and not considering macros and needs. I kinda feel that way about Norton’s approach. But we’ll see.

I am grateful my regular therapist had fat person surgery at Norton and can help me with the steps and aftercare. Based on my interaction with Norton’s therapist, I wouldn’t trust them with my mental health. But I am a special needs case, so there is that. (Also found out that my Norton therapist had the surgery three years ago so she knows what’s up.)

So, Monday the nutritionist gave me three goals:

• Drink 64oz or more water

• Remove starch from one meal (lunch or dinner)

• Track net carbs (no limit)

We discussed my concern on the “liver shrinking diet” which is where you are supervised to eat or drink specific foods/drinks for a week or two to shrink your liver. Why shrink the liver? It gets pushed over when they do the surgery, and they also want it in healthy condition, so it doesn’t cause problems.

The liver shrinking diet is extreme. It is literally no joke. Thus, the goal I’m doing right now is to start the prep work for when I go on the diet. (No ETA.)

Which brings me back to the mashed potatoes and gravy.

The weekend we came home from Michigan, we had only non-perishables in the house, and one cannot survive on protein shakes alone, however, Fairlife chocolate protein shakes are quite tasty. We ate out all weekend, hitting the places for foods we haven’t had in months: good Mexican, BBQ, and Chinese food and went grocery shopping on Sunday. We had enough leftovers to cover two or three meals, so I’ve been eating leftovers at the beginning of the week. When the nutritionist gave me my goals, I made it clear it would happen when the leftovers were gone. She agreed.

It is Wednesday.

Dave recommended an app called MyMacros+. He’s found it super useful to track his macros (obviously) since he works with that over calorie and the nutritionist group we’re in works mainly in macros. Right now, I’m tracking in two apps: Weight Watchers and MyMacros+.

It’s not a bad pain but it is kind of a pain. MyMacros+ has the scanner that allows you to quickly add foods but every food I’ve scanned I end up having to edit to make sure it matches the nutrition on the packaging.

(Update: While MyMacros+ has scanner built in to pull up foods from the catalog, the information is typically wrong and I have to edit. I said fuck it and will only use WW for the time being. I just swapped the diet to diabetic (which I’m not) which will help with the carbs since all the carb-y foods now have higher points (including most fruit) which means I need otto make health decisions. Not everything is perfect. Just wish it was better thought out! Update #2: Posterd my question on r/weightwatchers about carbs and someone suggested Carb Manager which is so much better than MyMacros+ so I’m back to tracking in two apps.)

First day was eye-opening. 334g (304g net) carbs.

334g carbs. And Norton wants me under 40g post-surgery.

Lunch was the killer: 232g of carbs over cornbread, mashed potatoes, and gravy. (Not healthy mind but recall I’m eating leftovers. That’s my excuse.)

Bananas are also very carb-y and I had one for breakfast. (On that note, Best Kate said Norton should be more concerned about sugars then net carbs.)

This morning I had oatmeal and a banana for breakfast and a 100 calorie English muffin with reduced fat cream cheese for a snack and I’m already at 55g (44g net) carbs for the day.

Lawd jesus this is going to be hard.

Lunch is planned out: a turkey sandwich with coleslaw made with low fat dressing with a piece of provolone cheese. Also soup. (Dessert was a single Reese’s mini-cup that had been frozen. Delish.)

Dinner is going to be a Factor meal (not an affiliate link).

All of this is way healthier than what I’ve been eating for the last week.

Tonight, is video date with Mini-me so probably no snack.

When we booked the cruise back in February, my intention was to lose a shit ton of weight (thus negating the surgery) so I could have a good time. Our trip is in 3.5 weeks and I’ve lost 10lbs. I weighed myself this morning on our KY scale and it showed I gained 6.2 pounds since last week. While I know different scales give different weights to get a “true” weight you need to weigh yourself consistently on the same scale.

If I had not known that information, the weight gain would have sent me in a downward spiral.

It’s been very hard, but I’ve tried to not beat myself up for “failing” on not losing weight. Life happens. Mentally I’ve been all over the place. It’s not about willpower, really, but it’s mainly about how the diet industry sets us up to fail.

But I’ll take ownership on my disordered eating.

It is Thursday.

I re-did the quiz for WW putting me at the diabetic plan. Instead of lower points per day with most fruit and veg 0 points, veg remains zero (along with some proteins) but fruit now has points. There is also an increase of my daily points. Even though I cannot track carbs on the WW app (using Carb Manager), my intake matches better with my new daily point value.

The big shock is that my Factor meals are quite pointy which surprised me. They have calorie friendly and keto friendly meals, so I’ll be perusing those meals rather than a free-for all menu they have. I still maintain on eating those meals since the nutrition is more balanced even if they are point-y as fuck. It blows my mind a 510 calorie meal that is mostly chicken is 20 points but it’s the sauce that is included jacking up the point value.

(November 3 is the day Starbucks released their winter drinks and damned right I had a peppermint mocha with non-fat milk and no whip today.)

I went to my cardiologist this morning, and everything remains good. Yes, I’m overall fine. I have palpitations brought on by my anxiety that was becoming worrisome when my heartbeat at 150 bpm for hours so I’m on a few heart meds to control it. I’ve had one attack in the last few years.

The goal is with fat girl surgery I can get off the heart meds. I’m metabolically fine. No beetus (or even pre-beetus), no high blood pressure or no high cholesterol. With my new foot lift helping my back, I can walk for miles without getting winded. (Hills and more than a few flights of stairs remain my nemesis.)  

I’m just fat.

Today I went to the eye doc’s to get lenses for my new glasses. My fall last month was saved by the ownership of back-up pair of glasses. I’m not going overseas without a back-up pair, so I splurged for two pair JUST IN CASE. Out the door price for the two pair? $565 cash. Was originally $750 before insurance kicked in. (Cheap bastards.) The cost is high because I have progressives. My near distance reading isn’t that bad (+1.50) so I could totally keep regular glasses and just use readers but no, I had to go full blow progressives because I’m a silly goose.

Don’t get old.

Things I Recently Wrote

If you read #97.5, you’ll recall I’ve ditched the We’ll Read Anything Once (Twice If We Like it) book review blog for a newsletter of the same name.

What I’m Reading

FINISH A FUCKING BOOK LISA BEFORE STARTING A NEW ONE.

• Glenarvon Byron’s ex-lover was so distraught about their breakup; she wrote a roman à clef about their relationship

• Shades of Milk and Honey (Glamourist Histories #1) If Jane Austen wrote fantasy

• Lords and Ladies (Discworld #14 / Witches #4) The elves are back and this time they don’t want just your teeth

• Pride and Prejudice Read this a zillion times but doing a read-a-long for Austen Mondays

• The Christmas Cupid  Can Zoey match six couples before Christmas Eve?

• The Seventh Sinner (Jaqueline Kirby #1) Errant librarian solves a mystery in Rome

• Hotel du Lac The book that won Anita Brookner the Booker prize. It asks the question, “What is love?”

• The Pursuit of Love (Radlett and Montdore #1) Satirizes British aristocracy in the 1920s and 1930s

• France: An Adventure History (audiobook) A social history of France from Roman era to Macron

• Spoiler Alert Romantic comedy set in the world of fanfiction

• Men Explain Things to Me Essays by Rebecca Solnit

• The End of Everything (Astrophysically Speaking) A look at five ways how the universe could end

Want to see what I’m reading or watching? Check out my list for 2022!

Wonderful Thing

Dylan Moran.

Moran is an Irish comic best known for the very quotable show, Black Books. (Available in the US on Amazon Prime via FreeVee with commercials. The bastards.)

“Every day is another betrayal.”

(Jesus christ, the show came out in 2000.)

Moran plays an Irish disgruntled bookshop owner, Bernard Black, in some mysterious English city. He hates people, he hates technology, he chainsmokes, and drinks wine by the gallon. Pretty much my perfect man.

Hair goals..

Black Books also stars comedian Bill Bailey and actor Tamsin Greig. Nick Frost and Jessica Hynes from Spaced (another great show you must watch. It’s available on Amazon Prime with commercials. The bastards.) also make an appearance.

“I can feel bits of my brain falling away like a wet cake.”

Mini-me and I were talking about Moran the other day and she recalled that when we worked at the corporate book$tore back in the early ‘00s, we all watched the show because it was so true to our daily lives and I was circulating the box set to all the employees.

It dawned on me that I have not seen his stand-up in years (let alone Black Books) and mini-me implored I need to see his most current one, What It Is (available on YouTube), and check out his other shows since Monster.

He’s deprecating, funny, stream of conscious, and observant comic. He’s currently touring EU and Australia and New Zealand into 2023. HE IS NOT COMING TO THE US! DAMMIT. I would travel to see him. Mini-me joked I should go to EU when he’s on tour. If only.

“I've got to get a girlfriend, just for the summer, until this wears off. She'll be a summery girl. She'll have hair. She'll have summery friends who know how to be outside. She'll play tennis and wear dresses and have bare feet, and in the autumn, I'll ditch her, because she's my summer girl!”

Check out Moran’s work which can be found on YouTube. You can find the list of his shows here.

lisa x