A Most Unreliable Narrator Issue #133 A non-resolution resolution year

Also, my first solid meal in weeks.

Jan 09, 2023

Welcome to A Most Unreliable Narrator, the slice of life newsletter of GenXer around town, Lisa Rabey. I talk about anything and everything with a bit of swears. I’m glad you’re here.

(Sorry chums, but this week’s missive is longer than usual. Forgive me?!)

Dear Internet,

Today is the day I can eat solid food. I’ve been hyping this in my head for the last week to the boredom of J (and probably to my imaginary friends on Facebook).

Meals are to consist of soft foods like eggs, cheese, tuna, etc etc. Anything that you can smush with a fork. I decided to make scrambled egg sammich with cheese and bacon bits thrown in.

To push the limit, I used an English Muffin for my sammich because untoasted it is soft.

I woke up this morning and skipped the shower and went right to breakfast.

People have written extensively in my fat girl surgery forums about their first solid meals, typically some kind of egg and how it was the best thing they have ever tasted.

I was pumped.

Now something we need to keep in mind about my recovery is that I’m an apparent freak. I didn’t have nausea, I could drink water and other liquids just fine from the beginning, I could swallow my pills whole without having them crushed, my tastebuds haven’t changed, and I could stand Jell-O. All of these are typical issues of recovery for majority of the patients.

I cook my solitary egg with the cheese (forgot the bacon bits) to a scramble form. (Note: I like my scrambled eggs on the firm side, J does not. He is convinced I am doing it wrong. I told him if I like it this way it is not wrong. He keeps insisting I am wrong.)

I eyed my meal suspiciously on my fancy Fiesta lunch plate.

I take a bite.

I was completely…underwhelmed. It was just an egg sammich! My tastebuds did not sing out in glee, angles with golden harps did not appear by my side, Zeus did not throw down lightning bolts.

What the ever-loving fuck?! I have been lied to!

The one thing that did happen was I took three bites which was one bite too many. I felt uncomfortably full, and I had a hard time getting my Gatorade Glacier Freeze down, so I was sipping it for the next few hours.

Lunch was the rest of the sammich which was also one bite too much.

I cannot win.

Since Best Kate had the surgery six months ago, she’s been my guide through this whole process so she’s the first person I reach out to when I have questions. (95% of the people in my fat girl surgery forums as insane.)

We talked about how my brain looked at that sandwich and thought, “I can eat this whole with no problem” and I was wrong, obviously. The big learning lesson of this process is rewiring the brain to my new normal. I simply cannot eat like I used to, and I need to get over that because food exists on my plate does not mean I have to eat it all. It does mean that I need to make smarter choices about what I am eating and not order a starter, main, and dessert.

J asked last night if I would mind if he went out solo and honestly, I did not. I like eating solo myself on occasion and there is no reason to keep him bound to my diet. (He had lemon pepper wings, a few beers, and a brisket sandwich. The wings were amazing, the beers were delicious, but the brisket sandwich not so much.)

So, this afternoon when we were taking Thursday out for her walk and talking about his restaurant adventures in the last few weeks, we talked about what I could eat. You must understand that J and I used to eat out anywhere from two to four times a week even if it was just a run to Jimmy John’s for a sub. We cannot do this anymore because again, I cannot eat like I used to.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t have cravings for food and the big craving lately has been a McDonald’s cheeseburger with a small fry. Yes, junk food, but their regular burgers are on the small side, and they don’t give that much on the fries. Basically, I want a kid’s meal.

J vetoed that action right there because I haven’t had any kind of what we would call heavy foods in weeks. Nothing fried or cooked in oil or super savory. Who the hell knows how I would react to that? We don’t but we filed it away as something to explore when I can get back to regular foods in a few months.

I cannot wait.

(Aside: In July I am throwing a reception of sorts in Grand Rapids for our re-marriage in May. I’ve invited my closest friends, of whom 80% live in the area, so this was a no brainer. We are going to one of our favorite restaurants in the GR area, Le Kabob which is a Mediterranean restaurant that makes their own pitas. I love this place so much that when we are at the cabin, I have people bring us food from there. Any who, I’m already planning on what I’m going to eat. One must plan when one must.)

(Aside #2: As all of my drinks are zero calories, between the egg, cheese, and English Muffin, I’ve had about 200 calories for the day. Tonight I am having Campbell’s Chunky soup. Look at me living large!)

A Most Unreliable Narrator

A Most Unreliable Narrator Issue #133 A non-resolution resolution year

Also, my first solid meal in weeks.

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