lisa rabey writes stuff issue #13 imposter syndrome
Dear Internet,
I read Aeryn Rudel’s blog, Rejectomancy, on the reg. The other day he wrote Path to Publication about one of his stories. It took 13 submissions over TWO YEARS, from first submission to publication, before it got published.
Thirteen rejections in two years.
A few issues back, I wrote about a recent slew of rejections I got and said,
When I look at the stats of submissions and rejections, I thought I would be more upset. But I’m honestly not. I don’t see it as personal slight against my work but rather as a way to improve my writing.
Seriously? I don’t think I was being completely honest, especially after reading Rudel’s piece.
I get a single rejection and I feel the story is hopeless. I shuffle the story away and never go back to it again. I take it personal that the story is a piece of crap and no one wants to read it. Just because one market doesn’t want it, doesn’t mean another market will reject it but I don’t believe or accept that.
It’s sink or swim with my insecurity.
Writing it tough business. Nearly everything you do is alone. You write alone, you set your schedule alone, you project manage alone. Sure, if you’re an indie author, you may get help with editing, marketing, and book design but most of it? Alone.
I spend a lot of time in my head. If you are a reader of my other newsletter, A Most Unreliable Narrator, I spend a lot of time talking about that time in my head. I’m always thinking of something. What to write. What I have written. I’ve started not wearing ear buds when I walk in the morning because I need the time to clear my brain and music is noise.
I think about writing a lot. That I’m not doing it. That after the big push a few months ago, I’ve fallen into the wayside. It sounds good to say I’m a writer. It sounds impressive to say I’ve written and published things but then imposter syndrome kicks in and I feel like a fucking failure.
I’ve re-read the back issues of this newsletter (there are only 12 so it didn’t take long) and as time kicks on, my writing is sporadic. Monday after work I had a few hours to kill before I had my date with Steph. Instead of working on my mental health stuff or writing, I dicked around. Here is a time block. I could have gone down to the common area in one of the meeting rooms and wrote. No one would have bothered me. (The software I use is cloud based so I would still need internet.) But I didn’t do that.
I did nothing.
Monday Monday’d so maybe I’m feeling a bit hard on myself. I should feel accomplished for what I have published. I created something and put it out in the world and someone liked it enough to publish it. Not a lot of people can say that. I’m over 10K words on Aubrey Jones Gets a Life. 40 pages! I’ve never written that much on a story before. And the best part is I have more to say about her story!
Writing A Most Unreliable Narrator is easy for me because it is my life. I pick and choose what I think would be interesting, I tell a story I can flush out, and post it. Start, editing, and queuing up takes three to five hours. I write in bits and spurts during the course of the week; not in one go.
Basically, right now, I’m making excuses. My chore for the week is to create a workable schedule to allow for writing rather than sitting on my ass reading Reddit.
(As I got ready to produce this, I got a rejection on a piece I sent back in February. My thought? “Eh.” Tuesday is “eh” day.)
Notes:
If you were subscribed to my book review newsletter, I’ve dumped it. I’m reading too fast to keep up with it and it had a very low subscriber rate.
If you read eBooks from your library via Kindle or subscribe to Netgalley (or a similar service), you know that you can have books sent to your Kindle. What I didn’t know, until the other day, is that you can also email eBooks to your Kindle! Lots of authors have free stories and novellas on their website that you can download. I hate reading on my laptop so I’ve never taken advantage of this but it got my thinking if libraries and Netgalley can send to Kindle, why couldn’t I? I attached the ePub I had to an email, addressed it to my Kindle email address (which you can set up on Amazon’s website), and emailed it. I got a confirmation email from Amazon to confirm and once I did, the eBook was in my Kindle app! Next time I come across an author with free stories, I can totally read them on my Kindle. Very exciting! (Instructions to set up your Kindle email address: Amazon website > Accounts & Lists > Content & Devices > Preferences > Personal Document Settings.)
Media
What I’m Reading
This year I’ve committed to read 75 books via the Good Reads Reading Challenge.
Glenarvon Byron’s ex-lover was so distraught about their breakup; she wrote a roman à clef about their relationship.
Pirate Vishnu (Jaya Jones Treasure Hunt Mystery #2) Sacred riches from India. Love triangle. Murder. Jaya has her work cut out for her.
Viviana Valentine Gets Her Man (Girl Friday #1) Viviana Valentine is on the case after her boss dies.
The Lost Apothecary “A female apothecary secretly dispenses poisons to liberate women from the men who have wronged them.”
Trespasses “Set in Northern Ireland during the Troubles, a shattering novel about a young woman caught between allegiance to community and a dangerous passion.”
Galatea “reimagines the myth of Galatea and Pygmalion.”
Murder in Westminister (Lady Worthing Mysteries #1) A darker twist of Bridgerton.
Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story Charlotte and George III meet and fall in love.
The Idiot A girl comes of age at university.
Shadows in Bronze (Marcus Didius Falco #2) “Ancient Roman gumshoe” is on the case again.
Check out the media I’ve consumed for 2023
Submission update
38 submissions including 24 rejections, 2 acceptances, and 1 withdrawal.
Publication
Note: Someone bought a Kindle version of commercial breaks and I made a whopping $2.08! Thanks, mysterious person!
chapbook: commercial breaks
Snippet
This is from an unfinished piece entitled, she found it impossible; she washed her hands of all of this.
She likes to wander in graveyards reading headstones. Once she came across a family where four of the five children died on the same day. Car crash, she thinks. Maybe a house fire? She searches online for their story, using their deaths as the starting point, only to find nothing. How can something so tragic be erased? She doesn’t have the answer.
Have a good week.
lisa x