A Most Unreliable Narrator Issue #113 The Three Graces

I try really hard to have them.

Dear Internet,

Dearest friend had their fat girl surgery on July 11 and so far, they are healing well. They have been in some pain (as expected) and told me today they were able to stomach (hah) some cottage cheese and KFC mashed potatoes so progress. I asked them how much weight they are down, and they said ten pounds since hospital intake; fifty pounds since January.

I find myself neither jealous nor angry about dearest friend’s progress in this journey. Obviously, they mean the world to me and I was curious if I was going to have feelings because they are succeeding where I have failed. But the feelings have never rose and we talk about it regularly to make sure there is nothing negative between us. We both agreed that losing each other over their success and my stall would rip out our hearts but I’m no longer worried.

I had my first telehealth appointment with Norton last week and it went fine. I talked with the dietician about goals and what not and they did not tell me anything I already did not know.

The following day I got a message from Norton they were canceling my next nine appointments because I was in Michigan. I argued that since it’s telehealth, and other providers don’t have a problem with this since I’m a KY resident and they are my care, what was the problem? According to Norton, the latest mandate from the government is that telehealth is only available if not only you’re a resident of the state but also in the state at the time of the call. I call bullshit but these fuckers hold the key to my surgery, so I am complacent in the matter.

I woke up the other night at 3 or 4 a.m. having to pee and then I laid awake for hours thinking about my fatness and my work environment. I called in sick because I was an absolutely zombie and could not function and ended up eventually sleeping until 1 p.m. I spent the rest of the day chilled.

Fatness has consumed my life in that I think about it a lot, I follow fat activists on Insta, and I talk about it to a lot of people. I don’t call myself “curvy,” “voluptuous,” “Rubenesque,” or “chubby.” (On second thought, Rubenesque does apply. Have you seen Ruben’s women? GLORIOUS!)

The Three Graces by Rubens

I think a lot if you lot are bored with me talking about my fatness? My click through is actually pretty good so I know people read but I wonder how long on a topic you can handle before you pull out like a Catholic.*

To be frank, sometimes I get tired of talking about it too but as I’ve said not more than a few paragraphs above, my fatness consumes me. Health consumes me. I’m so hell bent on not being unhealthy that is majority of my thought (outside of current state of the world but who wants to be even more depressed?) along with my mental health. 2022 is supposed about my well-being. My therapist made me promise to not apply for jobs (and if I do, and get an offer, turn them down), take any classes, and basically anything that would distract me from my health goals.

There is a lot to process.

I had an interesting experience the other day.

I got tagged in a comment on the tweeters from someone who styled themselves @heroin_inabook (the account is now gone). This person(s) spent about 20 – 30 tweets about me. Mocking about my weight loss journey, BPD, TheBassist (which was shocking since I haven’t brought up that trash man in over seven years), and #teamharpy**. The hashtag for the case has long been used by others in the last five or six years so why this stalker of mine is dragging it up, along with posting the negative articles about the case now is interesting. I’ve been good in keeping out of trouble; however, I am not perfect but who is? (Reddit, I’m looking at you.)

People asked me if I was scared and I’m more curious than anything. This person did a deep dive into my website and newsletters, mainly bringing up content that was only available in those locations. While my life is an open book, I am selective on what I put where. I’ve been keeping an online journal since 1996 (consistently since 1998), my Insta and Twitter accounts are not locked (but my personal FB is since I tend to talk smack about life over there), as so is my newsletter doesn’t have a subscriber ergo locked posts.

So why me? I’m just this person who hangs out on the internet. I had one infamous thing but that was long ago in internet time.

That’s the part that doesn’t make sense.

(I checked my weblogs on my domains and nothing seems to be out of sorts. No high traffic, no unusual keywords.)

I reported the account to Twitter who immediately rejected my request that the account did not go against their community standards. Other people also reported it and the account was shortly gone sometime yesterday afternoon, so a few hours after I found out, but it does not mean it was suspended.

So, why?

* Joke: The number one birth control suggested by the Catholic Church is the pull-out method. J says if I have to explain the joke, it’s not that funny BUT who knows who’s aware of the means of the Catholics on this list?

** If you’re new around here, back in 2014 I alleged a prominent figure in the library world was sexually harassing our colleagues. He sued me and another defendant in Canada and the case was dismissed. You can read the whole saga here.

Things I Recently Wrote

If you read #97.5, you’ll recall I’ve ditched the We’ll Read Anything Once (Twice If We Like it) book review blog for a newsletter of the same name.

What I’m Reading

FINISH A FUCKING BOOK LISA BEFORE STARTING A NEW ONE.

• The 7/12 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle An Agatha Christie-esque locked room mystery

• Reputation Mean girls with Jane Austen thrown in

• Dissolution Lawyer turned sleuth in Tudor England

• Orlando Virginia Woolf’s modern take on fluidity of gender and sex

• The Widow Queen 10th C Poland. A princess used as a pawn to form alliances, but she has other plans

• Keats: A Brief Life in Nine Poems and One Epitaph Biography on John Keats

• A Curious History of Sex  A very skim the top look but highly interesting, history of sex

• Wyrd Sisters Book #6 in the Discworld series and book #2 in the Witches track

Wonderful Thing

Friends.

The primary reason why I love being at the cabin is seeing my friends. Majority of the people I’m close to live in the Midwest and having the cabin allows them to come visit me and enjoy our time together. Or, in some cases when I went to visit Lindsay last week, and Sara is up here this weekend. The Drunk and her husband have already come up, I see Kristin next weekend, and Steph is booked in there somewhere. We’re seeing my brother in a few weeks which is exciting.

And I have many friends not here. Brendan is in California and Best Kate is in Ohio. Erika is in Iowa and of course my friends overseas.

I’m lucky, I know, with my friend group. While I bemoan that I don’t have local friends in Louisville, it’s not so bad. I have enough of a social life with friend dates during the week while we watch telly together.

Whether your friend circle or small or large, numerous or few, tell them how much they mean to you and give them love.

Have a happy <insert quip here> summer!

lisa x