A Most Unreliable Narrator Issue #126 The most dramatic episode yet!

The Bachelor says this every episode

Nov 27, 2022

Welcome to A Most Unreliable Narrator, the slice of life newsletter of GenXer around town, Lisa Rabey, where I talk about anything and everything with a bit of swears. I’m glad you’re here.

Dear Internet,

When you read this, I’ll either be strolling the streets of Rome, IT sucking down espressos to keep awake due to jet lag or sleeping. We’re leaving the 26th and will return on December 13th from our trip to EU. I plan on writing every week (I have apps on my iPad that work with the travel keyboard J is letting me borrow) so same time, same place. They might be image heavy (probably) and lengthy (more than usual). I’ll make sure the topic is obvious, so enjoy my trip!

I finished my last appointment with the fat girl surgery shrink on Monday, I finished the dietician appointments the previous week, and received confirmation all my paperwork is being submitted to insurance. I’ll find out in 15 – 30 days on whether they approve. I’ll keep jumping hoops until I have the surgery.

In the interim I’ve stopped Weight Watchers (WW) and counting macros. Throw in intermittent fasting (IF) with J and eating became a chore and not a sense of fuel or even pleasure. It always took forever so find the barcode, scan the barcode across three apps, and if the item wasn’t found, creating the item in the apps. I am tired of counting chips when we go to our regular spot (Mexican), drinking Diet Coke (which I hate), and weighing out my flavored pork rinds. I’m just over it so Monday night we went to our regular spot (Mexican) and didn’t count chips, I ordered nachos, and drank not one but two Cokes.

At first, I felt this intense sense of shame because I was failing when I should be doing better. I’m at the weight I always stop at because I get frustrated with the process. Then I gain the weight back so ad nauseum etc.

(I’ll be straight up honest I’m going to continue with IF to support J. It’s not really dieting in my brain, but if I feel like my body wants a protein shake and it’s not quite noon, I’m having a protein shake.)

I’ve talked about the liver shrinking diet and I told dietician that I cannot wait because I’ll drink my protein shakes and my Factor meals and call it a die. I just don’t want to think about food, measuring food, weighing food, or even though WW says nothing off the table, keeping food off the table.

Just done.

I told J on Tuesday when we took the dog out for her extended afternoon walk and he says he’s tired of hearing me talk about it with my friends during my video dates. He’s tired of me bringing dieting and weight loss surgery up. His new concern is that I’m going to slide into bad habits but this time I don’t think so. I’ve learned more on this trip about fuel and food than before.

That’s the other thing, I’m not stopping the walking. Monday night we walked a solid 5K so I could enter my time in the virtual Turktle Trot race (sponsored via Slow AF Run Club). 1:15:24. Speed wasn’t really of the essence because J was walking with me and he walks slow and I forgot to pause the timer when we went into CVS. We walk two plus miles a day. So, I’m not stopping exercise, just counting fucking food.

It’s Wednesday.

While MPOW has over 50K employees, my little team of six (not including my boss but including me) is all gone except for me. My boss is checking in and on Friday, no one will be in the office except for me. Yay!

I went to the physical office this morning to pack up my cube. I hustled in and hustled out. The good parking lot was more than half-filled which surprised me since it’s the day before a holiday. I brought J with me to air him out (brought him out on Monday when we went to our spot but before that, who knows?) and we stopped at Jeff’s Doughnuts to pick up 12. I ate two, sugar crashed, and was barely awake for an hour this morning. I’ve wrapped up my bad ways and instead of walking down to Jimmy John’s (first floor in our building) for a large Coke (they have the best fountain), I made Irish Breakfast tea to get the caffeine kick. I also had a Factor meal for lunch since those are low in calories and filling. Trying to be balanced, man.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving or as I like to call it, raping and pillaging of indigenous peoples in the Americas day. Thanks colonizers! I try to give thanks every day, trying to appreciate what I have and respect what I have. I don’t need a special day to celebrate thanks. But I get it, I do, American history is steeped in mis-history and it was what we are taught in schools. Only winners, namely white men, talk about what has happened as opposed to what has really happened. So, I get angry, and my only outlet is to donate more money to local charities for the homeless and the humane society since this time of year, pets are adopted and often returned.

(I don’t think most people understand the stress this puts on a pet. I’m confident they know what love is, and you could argue they are just trained to accept the human as their carer and not really know love, but I don’t know, dude. When Thursday burrows herself under my blankets when I’m on the couch or when she jumps in Justin’s lap, I like to think that is love.)

A Most Unreliable Narrator

A Most Unreliable Narrator Issue #126 The most dramatic episode yet!

The Bachelor says this every episode

Discussion about this post